


Broken Mirror

by Fox_Kaptain



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, F/F, Life Choices, No happy ending here, Slight fluff, my poor space wives, oh well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-19 17:57:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20213911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fox_Kaptain/pseuds/Fox_Kaptain
Summary: Janeway has faced many options in her life, what's another problem to add to it?





	Broken Mirror

There is always two options to everything in life. Janeway is no stranger to choices. Destroy the caretaker array, or use it to get the ship home. Save the borg drone, or send her with a beacon and drop her on a planet for the borg cube to rescue. So many choices, especially now that they were stranded in the Delta quadrant, but life always has choices. Right now, there are personal choices Janeway wishes she didn't have. Here is the current dilemma: Janeway and Seven just got done playing velocity, and the captain asks to share a dinner and just chat since they haven't been able to have the time with the future Janeway showing up and running from the borg for two weeks. 

_Option One: Tell Seven her feelings_

You talk about the ship and ask how she is integrating with the rest of the crew, and if she likes the pasta you tried to replicate for her. She responds somewhat tensely, still trying to get used to breaking out of her habit to revert to borg mannerism. She even has stopped insisting she preferred to stand now when you both are in your quarters or even rarely, hers. (She finally asked for quarters after the Admiral you form the future failed in the mission to disable the borg queen, and the present you barely made it away from the borg alive.) 

You both chat, and listen to light classical music in the background to past the time until she stands, stating it is 0200 hours and she needs to regenerate, along with you needing to sleep. You nod before standing, walking her slowly to your door. Your hand on the bottom of her back, you can tell your heart rate has increased, along with the gnawing feeling that this is now or never. You start by stopping Seven right at the door, which results in her slightly raising her oculus implant slightly, causing you to smile. You mention how you are honored to be her friend, and love spending time with her. You also mention how proud you are of her becoming better friends with B'Elanna despite the occasional headbutts. And lastly, you mention how you've fallen in love with her, and how you love seeing her rare smile and seeing her be more human everyday. 

She holds your hand while you trail off on a rant about how it's okay for her to not reciprocate any feeling of romantic love for you, and how you want her happy and you just wanted to let her know before something would have happened. You rant for five minutes total, mentioning how you want a life with her in it whether she is your wife or just your best friend, and it may be the wine talking but you even think you mention wanting kids and a few dogs with her. With a soft whisper of Kathryn off her lips, you shut up and look into her eyes. She is smiling slightly, the most you've ever seen her do, and you can't help but smile in response. She starts by mentioning how she feels the same and wants the same stuff, and as she is talking gets slightly closer toward you with every passing minute. She mentions wanting to see Earth with you, especially Indiana and your mother and sister. She mentions wanting to start a relationship and asked if tonight was a date, and of course you're presented with another option and that is a yes. You both share a hug, and a confirmation that you both will let the rest of the ship know gradually that you both are dating each other. You both kiss each other goodnight, and make plans to have another date, this time a fancy one on the holodeck at your hometown, sometime soon over the comm link. You sleep well that night. A first of many without nightmares of making the wrong choice to strand the ship here, or to rescue a lonely borg drone and endanger the ship with the treaty with the borg. 

_Option Two: Rejection is Cold_

You escort her to your door, and spill every feeling you have inside to her. How much you love her, and couldn't help but fall in love with her. You mention everything from when you first saw her and wanting to help her grow and find herself, to how you wanted to kiss her goodnight and share quarters with her and go on dates. You ramble on for minutes, never stopping until you've said every single feeling you've bottled up for her. You notice her expression doesn't change while you ramble, until you talk about just staying friends if she doesn't feel the same. You see her nod and look slightly uncomfortable, and you can't help but think you've said too much, expressed way to much of your thoughts. She starts by saying sorry, and explainging how she's only ever viewed you as a captain and a friend. She says you've been a great help in helping her retain her humanity, and eventually, how to start friendships with people. She even mentions how your opions during midnight discussions have led to her solving problems with B'Elanna, which led to their recent starting of a romantic relationship. 

Your eyes burn. You nod, and smile sadly. You congratulate her on her relationship with B'Elanna, mentioning that after awhile if she ever has any questions, she can come to you. She can see your hurt, but just like when the Doctor professed his feelings for her, she knows this is the least painful way to go. You mention a senior staff meeting later on in the week to discuss the talent show Neelix wants to put together. She nods, and thanks you for the evening, leaving you alone in your quarters. You go to bed, rethinking if it was really wise to tell her how you felt after hearing the numerous rumors of them two together. You are thankful though that she does want to remain friends, no matter how you might feel, you don't plan on losing her anytime soon as a friend.

_Option Three: Silence is Deafening_

You are walking her to your door when she drops a bombshell on you. She asks about what to do for her first date with B'Elanna. You're left speechless for minutes which feel like days and weeks. You swallow the lump in your throat, starting slowly as to not choke on your own tears wishing to be set free. You mention a nice picnic out on the holodeck, or perhaps even an activity to do on the holodeck and invite her back to her quarters for dinner. You suggest Seven should replicate a light but fulfilling dish so they can chat and enjoy the evening together. You mention to her about getting B'Elanna flowers, and lighting candles and playing soft jazz music in the background to set the mood to romantic, so it's clear to B'Elanna that it is in fact a date. She smiles and nods with every bit of advice you give her, your heart slowly breaking more and more. 

You wish for you to be the one setting the romantic mood for Seven, and not giving advice to her for how to date. You ache to tell her how you feel now, but you know it'll be no difference in the end. They fit and everyone on the ship can see it. The way they headbutt just like a married couple, and how they always click and seem to know what the other is thinking on a scientific problem. You're jealous of B'Elanna, but more so than that, you're happy for them. She leaves, mentioning asking for more advice as she gets closer to the day of the date to ensure it's perfect, and you feel yourself numbing more and more with her words. You will dread that day, but for now, you go back inside your quarters and go to the replicator and order whiskey. You drink till it's almost time for your shift to start.

You request the day off and for that following week, everyone avoids you like the plague except Chakotay who you confide in and who can relate since he knows what it felt like. After all, he wanted you and you didn't want him, and then when he wanted to try his luck with B'Elanna, it was already too late. 

The life of a Starship captain stranded in the Delta quadrant is bound to end up confusing. There are so many options to choose from, just like a mirror. By overview, it is one solid piece, but when you smash it, there are tiny pieces. Each piece is a choice in this world we call life. It's hard to predict which choice is better, but at least you can speculate if the pieces fit together and try to think if it'll all fit and be okay in the end.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this very early in the morning feeling kind of melancholy, thinking about choices in life and how lives can change by a quick change in wording, or the simplest choice being made, and decided to add this aspect to Janeway.


End file.
